Sunday, May 30, 2004

My Friday night

Friday was Jeanine's birthday, so a bunch of people went out for drinks and eats at Mexicali Rosa's. Unfortunately, I accidentally ordered their 'contest food', simply because it was a good deal. After finding out that I could get my picture on the wall and a free deep-fried ice cream for finishing the Bigger-than-your-head burrito, I was compelled to try, not only by my ego, but the dozen or so people who had suddenly become my biggest fans.

Obviously they hadn't a chance to actually measure *my* head, previous to this engagement, because the 'bigger-than-somebody's-head' burrito was handled with ease. This was certainly no 72 ounce steak.

Following that outing, which was relatively tame compared to where I was to go next, I caught a cab home, changed (because I had gone to Mexi's right after work), and headed to a friend's place for another birthday party. He shall remain nameless because I am about to describe various acts of belligerance and debauchery, which may or may not be illegal where you are.

First, allow me to describe the scene as I walk in: To my left, a full DJ set up. Two turntables and a microphone, as Beck would say. To my right, a bar selling shots for $2. This was excellent, because I hadn't brought nearly enough beer for this party, which was surely destined to go all fucking night.

Not 5 minutes after I had entered the place, some jackhole (who shall also remain nameless) grabs a container of bear mace (bear fucking mace) from somebody else's pocket, and proceeds to spray it in the living room. For anyone who has not yet experienced this lovely concoction of chemicals, let me tell you that it's not exactly pleasant. I can say with absolute certainty that I do NOT want to get this shit sprayed in my face. You couldn't exactly smell it, but you could definately feel it. It was spicy. Kind of like somebody holding an indelible tabasco marker under your nose.

The house bascially had to be evacuated. You couldn't exist inside without coughing up a lung. Stay inside long enough and it made you gag. Windows were opened, and fans were set up. About 45 minutes of hanging out on the deck later, and it was ok to go back inside. You're probably thinking that was the worst thing to happen that night, right?


Around three o'clock in the morning, some fucking yahoos try to crash the party and end up (I heard this second hand) getting pushed down the stairs. Naturally, they try to start a fight by insulting people. Being drunk and stupid, people respond in anger. Party crashers get driven off, only to promise to return with firearms and shoot up the party. That's when I left.

Here are my photos. I didn't have my camera at the crazy party, because I'm sure you realize, as I did, the places where you most want to take pictures, are the places where you least want to take your $400 digital camera.

So there's my Friday night in a nutshell. Can you top that? Post your stories here.

Oh, one more thing: After being in a room that has had bear mace released into it, remember to wash your hands before using the washroom. That is all.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Steve: 0, Beef: 1

I've done some stupid things in the past. Some of them really stupid. This ranks up there with the best of them. My brother convinced me to attempt eating a 72 ounce steak at the Lone Star. It cost $40, but it was one of those, "If-you-can-finish-this-meal-then-it's-free" things. You have to tell them 24 hours in advance so they have time to thaw it out.

I'm no slacker when it comes to eating steaks. I was confident, maybe even a little arrogant about my ability to finish it. I mean, I'll routinely get a 20 ouncer from the butcher, and I thought eating what would equal 4 of them wouldn't be that big of a deal. Holy crap was I wrong. A more forceful defeat at the hands of beef could only include being trampled or gored by an actual bull.

When the waitress brought it out, I couldn't believe the sheer size of this thing. It was a gargantuan brick of flesh and sinew that the establishment offhandedly labeled 'steak'. More like a roast, actually. Never had I seen such an amount of beef that wasn't actually on a cow. I started to doubt my abilities right out of the gate. This steak filled the entire plate save for the space taken up by a slice of pickle and two half slices of toast (I have no idea why they include toast).

It actually came in three pieces, loosely bound by sinew. Two of the pieces, roughly the same size flanked a third, half again the size of one of the others. All of them were about 2 inches thick. I made it through one of the flanking pieces and about halfway through the middle one before the beef topped out my stomach and started to fill my esophagus. I had been defeated by beef.

I got the rest of it to go, gave the half of the big piece to my brother and kept the other whole piece for myself. Maybe I'll eat it tomorrow, but for now, I have had just about as much beef as I can stand.

You can see pictures of the entire ordeal here.

Bomb scare in my neighbourhood

Ok, so I'm driving home and the street one block down from me is roped off with police tape. Cop cars all around. You'd think, "WTF?!", right? Me too. Naturally, I pull over and walk back, camera in hand to see if I can find out what the hell is going on.

I tried talking to a cop but didn't tell me anything useful. The people evacuated from their homes, however, were quite eager to tell me that it was a bomb scare. I fully expect this to be on the news tonight, but you heard it here first. Take that Bruce Frisko! Your number one source for rumour and conjecture.

My birthday party

My 28th birthday is on the 1st of June. Since that's a Tuesday, I'm throwing a party the following Saturday, the 5th of June. Bring meat to barbeque, and booze to imbibe. If you don't know where I live, drop me an email.

It's been a long time (last August 16th) since I've had a house party, so lets try and make this a good one.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Beers, beers, beers

Recently, some beers have made me curious. Some because they have no carbs, and some because they're used in bizarre party games. I decided to try them both.

There are many low or no-carb beers out there now, and I had to pick one, so I chose Sleeman's Clear. The other beer is Faxe, used in playing the extremely strange party game, Faxe Hands.

Faxe is a Danish beer that is light in colour, but heavy in taste. It's remarkably thick for how light it is. But the most curious thing about this particular beer is that it's 10% alcohol. If you want to get ripped in a hurry, then this is your beverage of choice. At only $2.50 for a tallboy from the liquor store, you can't beat it for dollar/alcohol value.
Sleeman Clear is what it purports to be: A clear beer with only 2.4 grams of carbs per serving. What it definately does not purport to be is anything fucking worth drinking. This beer is putrid. It's as if they hooked a good taste sucker up to each bottle as it went out of the factory, and turned it on full-suck mode. I would not buy this again if it were the only beer in the store. Your milage may vary, but I doubt it.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Point Pleasant Park reopens June 4th

Just like the title says, Point Pleasant is scheduled to reopen for general use on Friday, June 4th at 9:00.

Hopefully, it won't look like this for the next generation of park-goers. The city is planning a long term project of replanting trees, but it'll obviously take a while before it's anything like it was before Juan.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Gas and mouthwash

These gas price increases have gone on long enough, so I thought it was about time to write a full-fledged article about it. Ninety-six point nine, eh? That's getting pretty fucking crazy. When it starts costing people more than $50 on average to fill their tanks, it's time for people to seriously start thinking about alternative means of transportation and/or alternate fuel sources.

As far as I'm concerned, the economy is still in the shitter. This poor guy that I saw at the bus stop can't even afford to drink brand name mouthwash! What's the world coming to?

Monday, May 3, 2004

My new toy

I love getting new pieces of electronics. It's like Christmas; the sweet smell of virgin circuit boards filling your nostrils. Last week, I went and bought myself a Palm Zire 72 as an upgrade from my Zire 71. Coincidentally, I'm also looking to sell my Zire 71. Let me know if you're interested ;)

The Zire 72 improves on the Zire 71 in just about every conceivable way: It has has more memory (16 -> 32 Mb), faster processor (144 Mhz OMAP -> 312 MHz XScale), better camera (now 1.2 MegaPixels), and best of all Bluetooth wireless capabilities.